Head to the sky...

it's one of those crazy months where there's hardly a moment to spare.  i looked at my calendar and since 1 april i havent had 1 single free night and wont until april 29 (assuming nothing comes up then).  not gonna lie, though, i love it.  i'm one of those people that thinks she's a homebody but then when confronted with free time knows not what to do with herself.  i mean every once in a while its good, but in general, i like to be active.  so the following is NOT a complaint.

so today i had a dinner after work, but have been trying since end of march to find a day to do my dry cleaning and pick up some things from the pharmacy, and NO JOKE have not had even 1 chance to do those simple tasks.  (it would help if everything weren't closed on our only day off...) so tonight i decided to run up the mercaz (city center) right before my dinner.  so i caught a sherut up, headed over to the dry cleaner's.  closed.  frustrated, i headed over to the pharmacy.  closed.  then i realized it was some holiday today so everything was closed.  so i sat at the bus stop for about 40 minutes silently cursing the terrible public transportation system when i realized the buses werent running either bc of the holiday....so i decided to walk home, even though i was now definitely going to be late for my dinner.

anyway on my way home, when i hit the final set of stairs (there are many) i looked up to the sky and decided to just...pause.  i sat down on the side of the hillel stairs (which usually gross me out bc they smell like cat) and just looked up at the sky.  it was mostly clouded from view by different buildings but there was one patch that was perfectly visible.  one set of clouds very gray.  one set white and almost iridescent.  i felt so small.  a small little creature in this vast universe.  still, i felt so...plugged in.

so many things unclear right now.  to extend?  to go back to the US?  China?  South America? who am I going to end up spending my life with?  will I go back to pursue a PhD?  how will I truly serve this glorious Cause?  

but in that moment.  Sitting on those stairs, staring up at that patch of sky, I knew it didn't matter.  all those questions didn't really matter at all.  Some doors will open, some will close.  somedays I will be full of hope and joy.  others trepidation and sorrow.  but head to the sky, I know I'll make it.