Death, meet Nava

Nava, meet Death.

I don’t know what it is about me and close calls this year but I’ve never felt so consciously aware of my fragility as in the past few months. First the day of ‘near misses’ (truck barreling down the street, sherut crash), then the BOMB at the mall, and now, this.

Last night at our “Arising to Serve” study circle, PJ started to choke a bit so he got up and left the room to excuse himself while he coughed away. He kept insisting he was fine, and since he could still speak we knew he would be okay. But this got us on the topic of choking in general and CPR training. Zekre told us that he learned in CPR training that most people who choke to death die because they’re so embarassed when it happens that they rush to a bathroom, and then no one can help them. My eyes went WIDE open when he said it and I couldn’t help but gasp. Everyone stared at me. See, the day before yesterday, I choked.

I was in the dining hall at a big table with a bunch of my homies (yes, homies) and I was chewing on a piece of chicken when all of a sudden there it was, lodged. I couldn’t breathe. I jumped up from the table and ran off to…the bathroom! I was half-way out the dining hall when I realized this was really serious and I really couldn’t breathe, although I had started coughing a bit at that point. I turned around and walked back to the table and immediately Aimee jumped up out of her chair to come help me, realizing I was not okay. “Are you choking?” she asked [I appreciate you, Aimee!] I nodded my head and she tried to give me the heimlich maneuver. At that point I noticed two tables staring at me and I felt mortified so I crouched down by the table trying to hide. Lisa slapped me hard in the back and that seemed to do the trick as I began coughing a lot more furiously and at that point I could breathe again, even though it was hard. Aimee kept saying, NAVA STAND UP, put your arms up! It will help! But I refused, feeling too embarassed. So I stayed crouched and coughing until finally I could breathe fully again.

It’s just crazy to think that being self-conscious could actually KILL you. I still can’t believe my own reaction, that choking as I was, I was still thinking about what others’ would think of me. And I’m even more surprised that this is an actual phenomenon and people die from this…I guess it must also be the fact that you can’t really fathom that you’ll die from something as stupid as breathing in at the same time as swallowing food. I remember when I was back at the table and Lisa was hitting my back, I kept thinking “there’s no way I’m going to die in the middle of the dining hall, with a House of Justice member one table over. There’s just no way!”

Well, thank God (& Lisa) I didn’t.

Comments

Sholeh said…
You must have some serious guardian angels up there, hon. Yikes.
TheBehst said…
I am currently learning that our fears cause us to do very silly things.